I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
