Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
