ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
