the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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