barbara walters just said penis...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
