there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
