And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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