As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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