I woke up to her vacumming the grass
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
