i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
