i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
