how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
