I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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