we're chasing vodka with high fives
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
