yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You made out with two different species that night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
