I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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