TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
