You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
