I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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