Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
