Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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