I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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