You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
