Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
