So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
