piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
