Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
