i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sober January is a disaster.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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