You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
