Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
