That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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