I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
