i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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