this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
this hospital has no fireball
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
