oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
