Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
