i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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