I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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