I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
