I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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