Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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