She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
