I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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