I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
