I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
