I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
