I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
