I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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