i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
