You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I understand Curling. That high.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
